Car Maintenance? What's that?

This awesomely hilarious post basically sums up my philosophy on car maintenance (...cough, cough...or lack thereof). Only instead of '911', I use 1-800-CALL-DAD, or my expired AAA membership. And if you replace the parking tickets with Glee soundtrack CD cases and other random crap, you should have a pretty accurate view of my glove box.

A typical conversation with my dad:

Dad: "Kourtney, when was the last time you cleaned the inside of your windows?"
Me: "Um, probably the last time you did them."
Dad: "And the last time you waxed your car? You need to make sure it gets waxed at least once a year to protect the paint."
Me: "DAAAAAAAD, you just did it in July! So I'm planning on waiting until it stops raining/hailing/snowing, and then I'll TOTALLY get to it. Probably around July."
Dad: "Isn't that the next time you're coming home to visit?"
Me: "Well, whadya know, isn't that a coincidence!"
Dad: "And have you checked your oil lately? With all that driving, it's bound to be a little low."
Me: -blank stare-
Dad: "We went over this!! Remember, you're supposed to check your oil every few weeks? Otherwise if the oil level gets too low, then the engine could fail. And you don't want to have to buy a whole new car, do you?"
Me: "Of course not! And I just got my oil checked a few weeks ago!"
Dad: -sigh, checks dipstick thingie- "Kourtney, what's your definition of 'a few'?"
Me: "Either the last time you did or the last time I went to Jiffy Lube....-reading sticker- about 4,800 miles ago! I'm totally FINE!"
Dad: -facepalm-

Retail therapy FAIL

Well, today during my lunch break, I had all kinds of plans to go on a walk, stop by the library to catch up on my smarts, and maybe even stop by the Goodwill. [Side note: the Goodwill on SW 10th is AH-MAAAAZING. I'm talkin' designer duds here, folks] But the ever-crazy Oregon weather put a damper (hardy har-har) in my plans, and decided a nice springtime storm system would better suit my day. Instead, I'm going to write a post about a whole lotta NOTHING.

Bear with me, here.

Well, I should probably mention that I have a major bone to pick with whoever designs department store dressing rooms. Honestly, flourescent lighting really does a woman NO favors while trying on clothes, and even worse, bathing suits. It has been proven time and time again that this harsh lighting makes us look worse than we think we do, and therefore, throw a fuming fit in the dressing room, force us to snatch up the offending items and throw them haphazardly onto their hangers, all the while muttering obscenities about the clothing manufacturers and the current state of your thighs, march out of the dressing room and barely acknowledging the chipper dressing-room attendant (who, without fail, ALWAYS cheerfully asks, "So did anything work out for you today?"), throw the offending items on the counter, and storm out of the store.

I mean, doesn't it make more sense to have more flattering light in the dressing rooms? Think about it - if you're in a store where you try on something that you probably don't need in the first place, it looks AMAZING on you, you're going to buy it, right? And then when you get home and face reality, try on the item again only to see how truly awful it looks on you, what are the odds that most people will take the time to go back to the store and return it? I know so many people who have a whole pile of clothes meant for returning, and then they sit there, obviously unreturned, until it's too late and they're stuck with their bad purchase.

Needless to say, I haven't had much luck with clothes shopping lately. Last weekend, I went to the Woodburn Outlet Mall (aka Nirvana), and came out with nothing. Zilch. Nada. Well, that's not technically true. As I got back in my car after failed trips inside Ann Taylor, White House Black Market, Banana Republic, Cole Haan, Gap, AND the Kitchen Outlet, I totally could have seen myself buying a commemorative shirt that said, "I went to the Woodburn Outlet Mall, and all I got was the desire to lose 10 lbs." Yesterday, I wasn't in the best of moods, so I made a collosial mistake: I went to The Rack and had the same feeling of failure and misery. Retail therapy FAIL.

Which really leaves me no choice but to head to the land of no dressing rooms and free return shipping. Oh internet shopping, I have a feeling that we're going to become GREAT friends.

sharing is caring!

When you mix 3/4 c. of this...

...with 1/4 c. (melted) of this...

...and add in 1 jigger of this...

...and blend it for a full minute with this....

...happiness and a larger pants size will ensue. Trust me - I speak from experience.

p.s. it goes quite well with pancakes, apple pie, vanilla ice cream, fruit, or with a spoon.