Random thoughts for our generation....with social commentary by yours truly

Random thoughts from people our age...
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. Soooo true. But in Portland, this may be a difficult task to accomplish in some neighborhoods.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. Don’t tell me you haven’t experienced this at one point or another.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. Or the point where you realize sometime down the road that the other person was right…and you now have to find a sneaky way to do what the other person said, only without them knowing it.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter? Note: in this case, I’m pretty sure they’re just using a lighter, not the lighter and lighter fluid. Comparison – glass of wine = lighter, AMF = lighter + gasoline.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. Oh sheesh, I do this ALL the time.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. I still firmly believe that we should adopt Spain’s practice of “la siesta.”
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? I really don’t want to be “friends” with my friends’ parents, thankyouverymuch.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. Who came up with that as the magic cure, anyway? It totally always worked!
-There is a great need for sarcasm font. AMEN!
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. Anyone else thinking of Fantasia?
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. Well, that, or I’m the only one laughing when everyone else isn’t, and vice versa. I never said that I had a “normal” sense of humor.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I have actually discovered the secret! Years and years of practice, my friends.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. I’M NOT LAZY, I’M EFFICIENT, DAMMIT!
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. K or Generic, I’m giving this job to you.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. But of course I NEVER text and drive.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary? Honestly!
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". It’s a great conversation filler, dontcha think? Lol.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. Oh goodness, ALL the time. But I think that’s partially due to genetics.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. Even more terrifying is comparing with your classmates after the test. “Oh you had all A’s? I was getting all C’s…..crap, I must have FAILED!”
- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". Whatever floats your boat, buddy.
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? My rule of thumb is after 2, sometimes 3. Then it’s their own fault if you don’t understand.
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! Traffic brotherhood, boo-yah!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" Try it with getting really creative and see what people say. “Yes, that’s Kourtney….K as in kamikaze, o as in octagon, u as in ukulele…”
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? AWESOME is what would happen. TV’s next new reality show, perhaps?
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. With my sense of direction, this isn’t always true….or pretty.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I’ve always thought this!
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. Psh, probably the same people who go for the Polar swim every year. Crazies.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. Correction: jeans can get dirty (to the discretion of the wearer). Slacks/pants that require special cleaning never get dirty. Maybe once every few months or as necessary.
Also related –
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night." “In addition to the H1N1 virus and obesity, a new epidemic is sweeping through the nation…”
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. I believe it was 1992. The days where I still took a nap.
- Bad decisions make good stories. Addendum: after an acceptable amount of time has passed where the battle scars are still visible but the pain is not.
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! Facebook = stalkerweb
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? Psh, not just high school girls. Middle school girls aren’t lookin’ too innocent these days, either. What are their parents thinking!!?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. Invisible, but with horrible fashion sense. Trench coats and striped shirts…I don’t think so.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... Icebreakers are evil. Plain and simple.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. Honestly, what’s the big difference between DVDs and Blue-Ray? Not big enough to pay an extra $8/movie and re-buy my whole collection, no siree….
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' This also applies to picking a movie to watch. ESPECIALLY on a date. Which none of my dates have seemed to realize the kind of pressure this task provides!
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. And it always ends up that the days where you put in no effort whatsoever into your appearance, that’s the one day you should have really put in the extra effort.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. Define “light”
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. Definitely true.
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Anyone else see what happens to cyclists in Portland when road rage is involved? YouTube that video.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well. Equality for all!
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay. HAHAHAHAHA.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat-ass before dinner.